I am a very musical person so I must have music all around me wherever I go even if that means I have to create the music myself by belting out a tune, humming a melody, snapping my fingers or even finding a steady rhythm in the environmental sounds all around me. They're there if you listen.
Sometimes when I'm cleaning my house or driving in my car, I hear a certain song that makes the images in my head start firing like a projector on a movie screen. We all have those songs that take our minds away to another time, another place, even another reality. Sometimes those little films in our brains are comedies, sometimes they're dramas and sometimes they're tragedies. I tend to change the channel when a song comes on that makes me think of things I'd rather not think about but every once and a while I pause...and I let my mind wander back to a place a long, long time ago when living in a city like Las Vegas was unimaginable to me. Photographic images flash one by one at lightning speed and my senses and emotions come alive to such an extent that I feel like I'm traveling back in time to whatever point in history those images are coming from.
I had the same reaction the other day when my friend, who is also from Alabama but no longer lives there, and I got together for the afternoon when she stopped to visit me on her way to California. She reads my blog and was curious about the one where I seemed to pine away for the days when I lived in Alabama. She asked me if I wanted to move back to Bama and if I ever could, would I? My answer may surprise you but the answer is that I'd rather not. I feel like I've outgrown Alabama. The truth is I never really belonged in Alabama and I am a much better version of myself when I don't live there. I never seemed to fit in anywhere. I wasn't happy. I felt isolated and imprisoned. I know that sounds very dramatic and slightly delusional but I have a very big personality. I needed to see the world and I needed to meet different kinds of people who could show me things I had never seen before.
I don't like normalcy but I also don't like being made to feel like I'm weird or abnormal just because I'm not like everybody else. I think everyone around me sensed that I was a caged tiger and as soon as I was set free I would escape and never look back. I knew I would never marry a man from Alabama or even the south for that matter because I feared that he would tie me down to a region where I didn't feel like I could be myself. I, instead, married a man who had already seen plenty of places in the world and who planned to see more. He wasn't from Alabama, the south or even this country. He had the means and the know-how to get me out of Alabama, he was gorgeous, I loved him and he loved me. Because of him, my children will never know what it's like to not be allowed to be true to themselves. I won't allow that to happen.
In Las Vegas, we see all kinds of interesting people and we adore everyone of them. Nothing fazes my kids either. We actually had a twenty-something year old woman follow us all over Lowe's all the way to the check-out counter. She didn't even purchase anything and when we drove away in our car, she drove away in hers. I still don't know what that was about but we think of that girl fondly because she was wearing a Cat Woman suit and we respect the hell out of her for that. And just the other day, Gemma said, "Mommy, I saw a lady who didn't have any pockets so she put her phone in her bra." I simply said, "Well, that was smart thinking." We all smiled and agreed that she must be very, very smart. I LOVE it here!!!
Alabama is dear to my heart and I don't regret a single thing that happened in Alabama or a single day I spent there because everything that I experienced contributed to the development of the person that I am today. My family is there, I met my husband and got married there, my father is buried there and my children were born there. It is a very special place but I won't lie. Growing up there was extremely difficult for me in a lot of ways but Alabama will always be considered my home whether I live there again or not.
I might even move back one day, a long time from now but there's other things I need to do first. I'd like to time travel and tell that scared, frustrated, bigger than life little girl in Alabama that everything is gonna be all right. She's gonna have everything she ever wanted and she's gonna be happier than she could ever imagine. I'd like to tell her to not change that channel when a song comes on that reminds of her of her trials and tribulations. I want her to listen to them. They are a reminder of everything that she's overcome and of all the lessons she's ever learned. They will remind her what a strong, determined girl she is. I want to tell her that one day, a not so long time away, she will be listening to a song that takes her back to this moment in time and she'll start smiling and shaking her head, still in disbelief at her very fortunate turn of events.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Living in Las Vegas: Observation #2:
"Sunshine on my shoulder makes me smile"...unless it's burning a hole straight through my shirt and leaving an aching sunburn in under 30 seconds like it does here in Vegas. For some reason everyone wants to wear their ability to withstand baking temperatures like a badge of honor and discuss this superpower openly on FB.
Everyone, of course, thinks wherever they live is hotter and more intolerable than everywhere else, but the same can be said for people living in cold weather climates and we dealt with this in Chicagoland. There comes a point when it just doesn't matter. Hot is hot and cold is cold. Aren't there more important things to worry about like who will make the most profit on Storage Wars (Dave seems to be losing his moxy)?
I will say that I have lived in South Alabama and Hong Kong and now Las Vegas and was forced to go house/apt hunting and inevitably move into said house/apt during the hottest month of the year in all of those extremely hot locations. Therefore, I "feel" like I can talk objectively about the differences and give everyone credit where credit is due.
I'll have to say that it was hilarious watching the Hong Kongers pull out their North Face jackets when the temperature dipped below 70 degrees (Alabamians do the same thing) but it was equally side-splitting listening to the Chicago locals moan on and on about the heat when, to me, it never really warmed up there. Honestly, I will take the heat over the cold any day of the week but I have Reynaud's syndrome and I actually ended up with frostbite on my toe while we lived in Chicago. The winters in Chicagoland are nothing to take lightly and those people know how to handle the cold weather and blizzards like no other place I've been. But I hate the cold. Hate it , hate it, hate it!!!
I love hot weather. I love cooling off in the pool and I love not having a real winter but this may be because that's the kind of environment I was raised in. Stick with what you know, right? I love the heat, up to a point, but it's the humidity that I find intolerable. My make-up evaporates in the blink of an eye, my clothes get drenched in uncomfortable sweat and my hair sticks to my neck even if I have it pulled up causing whelps and rashes all over my head. High humidity is absolutely miserable. Before the Alabama/HK folks rejoice in victory, though, I have to add that the dry air is just as brutal in different ways. Las Vegas actually has some humidity sometimes and I use the word "some" loosely. Just like Chicago folks don't know what hot is and Alabamians/Hong Kongers don't know what cold is, Vegas locals don't know what humidity is.
They think it's funny that I have humidifiers running at all times in my house but without them my entire body dries out from the inside out, I get headaches and nosebleeds and my lungs hurt. I feel like I can't breathe and I feel like I can't get enough water. I can actually feel the water being stolen from my lungs by the desert heat and it's painful. I need moisture in my body desperately and the humidifiers make me feel healthy and comfortable.
In the sun, Vegas is much hotter than Alabama and the sun is deadly and will cause a sunburn in minutes. But because the humidity is so low, any shade can bring a 20 degree temperature drop making it very comfortable and enjoyable to be outside. I actually had the windows tinted in my car AND my house, yes my house, to block out that potent desert sun. I have never felt the need to do that anywhere else I've lived. Night time, when the sun goes down and a light breeze blows, is very pleasant here in LV and has become my favorite time of the day.
In Alabama and HK, the morning was my favorite time of the day. It's really the only time that it was ever cool there and I made the most of my mornings by running along the Repulse Bay promenade to Deep Water Bay. I miss that. So, in my opinion, nowhere is perfect. It's just important to find things that will make you more comfortable where ever you're living and to share those ideas with others so they can be comfortable, too. And after living in HK and rarely seeing the sun because the pollution was so thick, I love seeing the bright sunshine again. Sunshine really does make me smile, but only while I'm wearing SPF 100 and my Maui Jim sunglasses. Smile. : )
Everyone, of course, thinks wherever they live is hotter and more intolerable than everywhere else, but the same can be said for people living in cold weather climates and we dealt with this in Chicagoland. There comes a point when it just doesn't matter. Hot is hot and cold is cold. Aren't there more important things to worry about like who will make the most profit on Storage Wars (Dave seems to be losing his moxy)?
I will say that I have lived in South Alabama and Hong Kong and now Las Vegas and was forced to go house/apt hunting and inevitably move into said house/apt during the hottest month of the year in all of those extremely hot locations. Therefore, I "feel" like I can talk objectively about the differences and give everyone credit where credit is due.
I'll have to say that it was hilarious watching the Hong Kongers pull out their North Face jackets when the temperature dipped below 70 degrees (Alabamians do the same thing) but it was equally side-splitting listening to the Chicago locals moan on and on about the heat when, to me, it never really warmed up there. Honestly, I will take the heat over the cold any day of the week but I have Reynaud's syndrome and I actually ended up with frostbite on my toe while we lived in Chicago. The winters in Chicagoland are nothing to take lightly and those people know how to handle the cold weather and blizzards like no other place I've been. But I hate the cold. Hate it , hate it, hate it!!!
I love hot weather. I love cooling off in the pool and I love not having a real winter but this may be because that's the kind of environment I was raised in. Stick with what you know, right? I love the heat, up to a point, but it's the humidity that I find intolerable. My make-up evaporates in the blink of an eye, my clothes get drenched in uncomfortable sweat and my hair sticks to my neck even if I have it pulled up causing whelps and rashes all over my head. High humidity is absolutely miserable. Before the Alabama/HK folks rejoice in victory, though, I have to add that the dry air is just as brutal in different ways. Las Vegas actually has some humidity sometimes and I use the word "some" loosely. Just like Chicago folks don't know what hot is and Alabamians/Hong Kongers don't know what cold is, Vegas locals don't know what humidity is.
They think it's funny that I have humidifiers running at all times in my house but without them my entire body dries out from the inside out, I get headaches and nosebleeds and my lungs hurt. I feel like I can't breathe and I feel like I can't get enough water. I can actually feel the water being stolen from my lungs by the desert heat and it's painful. I need moisture in my body desperately and the humidifiers make me feel healthy and comfortable.
In the sun, Vegas is much hotter than Alabama and the sun is deadly and will cause a sunburn in minutes. But because the humidity is so low, any shade can bring a 20 degree temperature drop making it very comfortable and enjoyable to be outside. I actually had the windows tinted in my car AND my house, yes my house, to block out that potent desert sun. I have never felt the need to do that anywhere else I've lived. Night time, when the sun goes down and a light breeze blows, is very pleasant here in LV and has become my favorite time of the day.
In Alabama and HK, the morning was my favorite time of the day. It's really the only time that it was ever cool there and I made the most of my mornings by running along the Repulse Bay promenade to Deep Water Bay. I miss that. So, in my opinion, nowhere is perfect. It's just important to find things that will make you more comfortable where ever you're living and to share those ideas with others so they can be comfortable, too. And after living in HK and rarely seeing the sun because the pollution was so thick, I love seeing the bright sunshine again. Sunshine really does make me smile, but only while I'm wearing SPF 100 and my Maui Jim sunglasses. Smile. : )
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Living in Las Vegas: Observation #1:
The journey from Hong Kong to Las Vegas was a long and bittersweet transition from the comfortable existence I had come to known in Hong Kong to the uncertain and mysterious life waiting for me in Sin City. In some ways, life in LV began in much the same way that life in HK had begun...learning to drive on the "wrong" side of the road. For those of you that don't know me that well, it might be helpful to know that I despise change of any kind. Once I get comfortable in a place or situation, I will only give up that familiarity with brute force or with the fear of losing my freedom. I find not having freedom and independence more distasteful than change and it was for this reason that I learned to drive...for the third time in my life.
Since we sold our house, cars and anything with a plug before we moved to HK, the first thing we needed to do when we got to Vegas was buy a car, well, two cars actually but I'll try to stay focused. I wanted a Lexus like we had in HK but Iain was disgruntled with the fact that they don't come with a built-in aux so we looked to the fail safe brand that I was raised on...Nissan. My father would be so proud that we are a two Nissan family just like he'd always hoped. As Dave Ramsey recommends, we got a three-year-old car with low miles that has been really well taken care of and rides like a dream. It's a Nissan Murano LE. We chose the champagne color cause it matches my hair and skin tone and according to Benny the curtain guy in HK, that color looks "rich." Benny is a funny guy.
Anyway, I didn't actually have to drive for a couple of weeks because Iain had some time off before he started working in the LV office and I really appreciated it, too. Once again, it felt really strange riding on the other side of the car. When the time came for Iain to head to work, I felt queasy and hot and I got the back sweats just thinking about driving the kids to camp by myself on different roads in a different city in a different car on the opposite side of the car. I had to do it, though. The kids were counting on me and I really needed some ME time so I sucked it up and I drove them, very slowly like a new dad bringing his new baby home from the hospital.
I made it there and back and every day it got easier. Pretty soon I found myself driving very aggressively like the Hong Kongers but I had to reign myself in because when I saw other women like me pulled over for speeding or whatever I realized that the LVPD won't ignore me like the HKPD did. I'm not a gweilo in the US. I'm just a mom who shuttles her kids from one place to another and occasionally shops at Target, HomeGoods, Smith's and Gymboree. Even though I am nowhere near Alabama or my family I love love love being back home in the USA but I think of Hong Kong fondly and actually miss some aspects of it. I miss my friends, I miss the incredible view of the South China Sea from my 15th floor apartment, I miss Lan Kwai Fong and I definitely miss Ebeneezer's Kebabs.
But I think that life in Las Vegas is gonna be pretty good. Iain loves his job, the kids love their school and we all love this house with a pool in the back yard. We've got some great neighbors (one of them is a dentist which is helpful) and we have tons of convenient shopping within walking distance if we ever feel like trekking in this heat. We even have beautiful mountain views all around us which most people don't expect to see in LV.
I've moved around a lot, more than I ever dreamed I would, and it's taken me far from Alabama. I haven't forgotten who I am or where I came from and I am trying to raise my children to have a good southern way about them which to me is the most important thing I can do for them. God won't even let me forget where I came from because every time the sun sets over Red Rock Canyon, the desert sand kicks up a bright orange glow into the brilliant blue sky and we can almost see an AU starting to form in the distance. It's proof that God loves me, Alabama and the Auburn Tigers and no matter where I am in the world, I know Alabama will always be there and that's what comforts me through all of this change.
Since we sold our house, cars and anything with a plug before we moved to HK, the first thing we needed to do when we got to Vegas was buy a car, well, two cars actually but I'll try to stay focused. I wanted a Lexus like we had in HK but Iain was disgruntled with the fact that they don't come with a built-in aux so we looked to the fail safe brand that I was raised on...Nissan. My father would be so proud that we are a two Nissan family just like he'd always hoped. As Dave Ramsey recommends, we got a three-year-old car with low miles that has been really well taken care of and rides like a dream. It's a Nissan Murano LE. We chose the champagne color cause it matches my hair and skin tone and according to Benny the curtain guy in HK, that color looks "rich." Benny is a funny guy.
Anyway, I didn't actually have to drive for a couple of weeks because Iain had some time off before he started working in the LV office and I really appreciated it, too. Once again, it felt really strange riding on the other side of the car. When the time came for Iain to head to work, I felt queasy and hot and I got the back sweats just thinking about driving the kids to camp by myself on different roads in a different city in a different car on the opposite side of the car. I had to do it, though. The kids were counting on me and I really needed some ME time so I sucked it up and I drove them, very slowly like a new dad bringing his new baby home from the hospital.
I made it there and back and every day it got easier. Pretty soon I found myself driving very aggressively like the Hong Kongers but I had to reign myself in because when I saw other women like me pulled over for speeding or whatever I realized that the LVPD won't ignore me like the HKPD did. I'm not a gweilo in the US. I'm just a mom who shuttles her kids from one place to another and occasionally shops at Target, HomeGoods, Smith's and Gymboree. Even though I am nowhere near Alabama or my family I love love love being back home in the USA but I think of Hong Kong fondly and actually miss some aspects of it. I miss my friends, I miss the incredible view of the South China Sea from my 15th floor apartment, I miss Lan Kwai Fong and I definitely miss Ebeneezer's Kebabs.
But I think that life in Las Vegas is gonna be pretty good. Iain loves his job, the kids love their school and we all love this house with a pool in the back yard. We've got some great neighbors (one of them is a dentist which is helpful) and we have tons of convenient shopping within walking distance if we ever feel like trekking in this heat. We even have beautiful mountain views all around us which most people don't expect to see in LV.
I've moved around a lot, more than I ever dreamed I would, and it's taken me far from Alabama. I haven't forgotten who I am or where I came from and I am trying to raise my children to have a good southern way about them which to me is the most important thing I can do for them. God won't even let me forget where I came from because every time the sun sets over Red Rock Canyon, the desert sand kicks up a bright orange glow into the brilliant blue sky and we can almost see an AU starting to form in the distance. It's proof that God loves me, Alabama and the Auburn Tigers and no matter where I am in the world, I know Alabama will always be there and that's what comforts me through all of this change.
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